My friend is engaged to an ass. Not a serial killer–just a jerk. Should I tell her she’s making a terrible mistake?
Jane Austen is clear on this one: In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth is tactful but direct when Charlotte decides to marry Mr. Collins. Elizabeth doesn’t press the issue, but she tries to make Charlotte aware of Mr. Collins’s defects of character, i.e., that she’s about to marry an ass. Of course, since Charlotte is Charlotte–and not Elizabeth–it all works out fine.
You don’t know how your friend’s marriage will turn out. And you don’t want to lose the friend.
But…if you are in possession of knowledge your friend doesn’t have–tell her!
Information you might want to share: He stole your fur hat. His former wife had to get a restraining order against him.
Information you should keep to yourself: He’s stingy–hasn’t picked up a restaurant check since disco died. He’s petty–still hasn’t forgiven you for mistaking him for Chris Christie.
The thing about the stuff you should keep to yourself is: your friend already knows these things. Just as Charlotte did. Your job: Stand by her, and if the opportunity presents itself, pay them and their obnoxious friends a visit. You never know who might show up…